Empty Nest Syndrome and Marriage: Keeping Your Marriage Strong

Dealing with empty nest syndrome marriage problems is a real thing! The kids are gone, and suddenly you're staring at your spouse across the dinner table with nothing to say. Sound familiar? 

The empty nest transition can either drive couples apart or bring them closer than ever before. In this podcast, we explore powerful strategies to revive your marriage after the kids leave home. Discover how to reconnect emotionally, redefine your relationship rules, create exciting new shared experiences, and reignite physical intimacy. 

Don't just survive the empty nest transition – use it to create the most fulfilling chapter of your marriage yet! 💕

🔔Subscribe for weekly episodes on rediscovery, relationships, and emotional wellness in midlife.

📧 Contact Jamie at: emptynesteralife@gmail.com

💬 COMMENT below:  Would you be willing to try any of these reconnection strategies with your spouse or partner?

Disclaimer: This podcast is for education only and is not a replacement for therapy. I suggest you seek out the help of a trained professional for help with your specific situation if needed.

Transcript

[PODCAST TITLE] Ep 3. Empty Nest Syndrome and Marriage: Keeping Your Marriage Strong

[INTRO] Welcome to the Empty Nest era, the podcast that helps you navigate life after the kids leave home. I'm Jamie Chin, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and mom to two amazing daughters in their twenties, and I'm here to walk alongside you as you rediscover yourself, reconnect with your partner, and redefine your relationship with your adult children. Let's begin this next chapter together. 

[EPISODE CONTENT]

Remember when you couldn't wait for some peace and quiet? When you dreamed about having the house to yourselves again? Well, now it's just you and your spouse staring at each other across the dinner table, and suddenly that silence feels... awkward. If you're struggling to remember what you even talked about before kids came along, you're not alone. Over 75% of couples report relationship strain during the empty nest transition. But what if this new chapter could actually be the best one yet for your marriage? Let's face it – after decades of focusing on the kids, many marriages end up on autopilot. You've been mom and dad for so long that being husband and wife got pushed to the back burner.

I remember the day our youngest left for college. My husband and I arrived back home and then walked back into a house that suddenly felt massive and eerily quiet. That night at dinner, we realized something uncomfortable – we had nothing to say to each other. No updates about dance practice, no complaints about messy bedrooms, no scheduling conflicts to navigate. Just... silence. Many couples hit this wall. You look at your spouse and think, "Who are you again?" It's like you're living with a roommate, not a life partner. And the statistics back this up – divorce rates among empty nesters have doubled in the past two decades.

But here's the good news: this challenge is also a massive opportunity. Without kids in the mix, you have the chance to rediscover each other and build something even better than before. The empty nest affects every aspect of your relationship. First, there's the emotional impact. Many parents, especially mothers, experience a genuine form of grief when children leave. This can show up as depression, anxiety, or a loss of purpose.

Meanwhile, your day-to-day routine gets completely upended. Those busy schedules that kept you distracted from relationship issues? Gone. The common ground of parenting decisions? No longer relevant. The buffer your children provided during awkward or tense moments? Removed.

And then there's the identity shift. For 18+ years, being "Mom" or "Dad" was central to who you were. Now you need to reclaim your identity as individuals and as a couple. One study found that 60% of empty nest couples report feeling like strangers to each other in the first year after children leave. But that same study found something interesting – by year three, couples who actively worked on their relationship reported higher satisfaction than at any point since before having children.

The difference between couples who thrive and those who struggle comes down to one thing: intentionality. The couples who flourish don't just wait for things to get better – they make a plan. Remember dating? Remember being genuinely curious about each other? It's time to bring that energy back. Start with what I call the "Second First Date." Dress up, go somewhere nice, and follow one rule – no talking about the kids or household logistics. Instead, ask questions like you're getting to know someone new. Because in many ways, you are. Try these conversation starters:

• "What's one dream you had when you were younger that you still think about?"
• "What's something you've wanted to try but never had the time for?"
• "If money and responsibilities weren't factors, where would you want to live?"

John and Meredith, a couple from Ohio, tried this approach after their twins left for college. John was shocked when Meredith revealed she'd always wanted to learn paddle boarding. "In 26 years of marriage, I had no idea," he said. "Now we go every weekend in summer. It's become our thing."

This reconnection phase isn't always smooth. You might discover your spouse has changed in ways you didn't notice. Their political views might have shifted. Their priorities might be different. That's normal – people grow and change. The goal isn't to find the person you married decades ago; it's to get to know and appreciate who they've become.

When kids are in the picture, many couples fall into rigid roles out of necessity. Maybe one person handled the finances while the other managed the kids' schedules. Perhaps one person did all the cooking while the other handled house repairs. Now's your chance to rewrite those rules. Sit down together and ask: "If we were starting from scratch, how would we want our relationship to work?" This conversation should cover practical matters like:

• How do we want to handle household chores now?
• What should our financial priorities be in this new phase?
• How do we feel about spontaneity versus planning?

But don't stop at logistics. Discuss the emotional aspects too:

• How can we better support each other's individual growth?
• What makes you feel most loved and appreciated?
• How can we improve our communication?

Linda and Robert tried this after becoming empty nesters last year. They realized their old division of labor no longer made sense. Robert had always handled yard work while Linda managed the cooking. But Robert actually enjoyed cooking, while Linda wanted to start a garden. By reshuffling responsibilities based on interest rather than habit, they both became happier and more engaged.

One of the best ways to breathe new life into your relationship is to try new things together. Novel experiences trigger dopamine release in the brain – the same chemical involved in falling in love. The key is to step outside your comfort zone together. Take a cooking class in a cuisine neither of you knows. Sign up for ballroom dancing lessons. Plan a trip to a country you've never visited. The activity matters less than the fact that you're both navigating new territory. When you share new experiences, you create fresh conversation topics and build new memories unrelated to parenting. You also get to see different sides of each other, which can reignite attraction and respect.

Nancy and Steve took this advice seriously after their youngest left for college. They signed up for a weekly pottery class despite neither having any artistic background. "We were both terrible at first," Nancy laughed. "But watching Steve get so into it, seeing his creative side emerge – it was like dating a new man. And the drive home each week gave us something interesting to talk about besides the kids or bills." The science backs this up. Research shows that couples who regularly try new activities together report higher relationship satisfaction and stronger emotional bonds than those who stick to familiar routines.

Let's talk about the elephant in the room – physical intimacy. For many empty nesters, this aspect of marriage has been neglected for years. Between career stress, parenting demands, and sheer exhaustion, physical connection often falls to the bottom of the priority list. Now, without kids barging into your room or staying up late, you have the freedom to reconnect physically. But jumping straight back into intimacy can feel awkward after years of putting it aside.

Start by prioritizing non-sexual touch. Hold hands while walking. Sit close to each other on the couch. Hug for at least 20 seconds each day (long enough for your body to release oxytocin, the bonding hormone). Then think about creating a romantic environment at home again. Maybe it's time to upgrade that sagging mattress or invest in new bedding. Perhaps you need to establish a "no phones in the bedroom" rule to reduce distractions.

Many couples find it helpful to schedule time for intimacy rather than waiting for the perfect spontaneous moment. That might sound unromantic, but it ensures connection doesn't get lost in the shuffle of daily life. Remember, rekindling physical intimacy is a gradual process. Be patient with yourselves and communicate openly about your needs and boundaries.

The empty nest phase isn't just an ending – it's the beginning of what could be the most fulfilling chapter of your marriage. With intentional effort, many couples report that their post-children years become their favorite phase of marriage. Think about it – you have the wisdom of decades together, the financial stability you likely didn't have when younger, and now the freedom to focus on each other again. This combination can create a relationship that's deeper and more satisfying than anything you've experienced before.

The couples who thrive don't just survive the empty nest transition – they use it as a catalyst to build something better than they had before. With the strategies we've discussed, you can be one of those success stories. So which strategy will you try first? The second first date? Rewriting your relationship rules? Learning something new together? Whatever you choose, take that first step this week. Don't wait for things to magically improve on their own.

Remember, your marriage deserves the same care and attention you've given your children all these years. And unlike raising kids, there's no countdown clock – this chapter can keep getting better for decades to come. You've invested years building a family together. Now it's time to rediscover what made you a couple in the first place – and create a relationship that's even stronger than before.

[OUTRO] Thanks for joining me for this episode of The Empty Nest era. If today's conversation resonated with you, don't forget to follow, share, and leave a review. It helps other empty nesters find this supportive space. Until next time, take a deep breath. Trust your journey and remember. This is your time now.

[DISCLAIMER] Finally, I want to note that this podcast is for education only and is not a replacement for therapy. I suggest you seek out the help of a trained professional for help with your specific situation if needed. Thank you.